On the Horizon
Whether faced with clear skies and a sunrise or clouds and stormy seas, it can be difficult to wait in peace on the horizon as the future unfolds. During my second pregnancy, my doctors encouraged my husband and I to have an amniocentesis test to determine if our baby had Downs Syndrome. The screening test done earlier had the “worst results I’ve ever seen” according to the genetic counselor. Our obstetrician comforted us by citing that a 10% chance of Downs was a 90% chance of not. Although these odds were in our favor, it was difficult not to worry.
“Amnio”, we were assured, was a statistically safe test. Our neonatal specialist boasted a success rate of 449/450. Many families reasonably opt for the procedure. They either find comfort in the results or time to prepare for the reality. In our case, we couldn’t help but think of the 1/450 who 100% lost their child. We were not willing to terminate the pregnancy under any circumstances. And, we knew that no amount of preparation was going to change the truth.
With roughly half of the pregnancy to go, we chose to wait to see if our child would be born with Downs. The weight on my heart stifled the joy of expecting our second daughter. Her three-year old sister was smart, artistic, and determined to master every task she undertook. What if our our new baby girl would not be capable of independence?
Love and support poured in from family, neighbors, and church friends. A meal in the freezer does relieve a worried mama, at least for an evening! Then after praying the Rosary with the Mom’s Group at the local parish, I was blessed with a message from one of the members named Teresa. Teresa had a vision of my baby in my womb enclosed in a rainbow. She felt sure this meant my baby was to be born without Downs. Was this a miraculous healing, a heavenly message of consolation, or the well intentioned imagination of a dear faithful woman? We had to wait on the horizon for months to see what God would bring.
God had allowed us to venture onto a path cloaked in darkness where we must wait for his grace. Patience is not a preexisting Clark family trait. Thankfully, in the parable of the Prodigal Son, Jesus gives us an image of how to wait well. A son returns to his father after squandering his inheritance in a life of sinful excess. In Luke 15:20 describes the father,“While he was still a long way off, his father caught sight of him, and was filled with compassion. He ran to his son, embraced him and kissed him.”
The father must have been waiting in hope, or he would not have seen the son from a far distance. He must have been waiting in constancy, or how would he have been there just at the right time to see him approaching. He was waiting in forgiveness, for his heart was prepared to see his son with compassion. He was waiting in anticipation, for he ran to his son as if he could not wait any longer. He was waiting in love, for he embraced and kissed him.
As the Reverend Billy Graham said, “The will of God will not take us where the grace of God can not sustain us.” This is true of medical uncertainties, betrayal, rejection, and injustice. As you strive for deeper prayer today, ask God to sustain you as you wait in joyful hope on the horizon.
