Is your soul a “Silent night?”
Silence is not quiet, and waiting is not wasted.
Advent rends the heart so that God can be born in you. I ponder with Mary, “How can this be?” Contrary to preparing for the birth of a firstborn child, the work of Advent is to empty the soul of expectation and become pure longing for what God desires. When I am silent in this sense, all is not quiet. For God has great designs for me and awaits my “yes” to the work of His hand. This silence may require great strain on my part to quell the noise that calls me away. Yet it is in retreat from the outside world that the Universe Himself can spring from within.
What lures me away from this new creation within me? My desires, my assessments, my opinions, my ideas, my comforts, my habits. Body and mind seem to tug at the soul, forgetting that they are meant to be as one. I must wait for His coming with hope, but without notions of His form or timing. The very waiting itself is filled with trust in Him. The waiting is not waste, but fertile ground for whatever He chooses to sow.
At the Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem, pilgrims burn candles of hope at the site where envy and fear extinguished the light of Christ. At the very point in time when the waiting of the Jews had come to an end, an epic failure in trust turned the scene from dancing into mourning. How does my anxiety do the same?
Take for example an everyday attachment to my own image. When I hang the wreath, am I concerned with the impression of my entryway or the unending love of God? I forget that unending love means that He has already arrived and will keep arriving throughout eternity. I do not have to wait, but only to be still and know that He is God. He does not need my permission to be born within, but awaits my nod so that I can participate in the Incarnation. And so it is He that waits and not me. How can this be?
Then let me lay down my sin and pain so that I can receive the palm of His hand extended to me. Let Him not wait any longer. He was born to die so that I might die and live. What Mother brought her Child into the world so that He could die? In reality, every mother of every age has done exactly that. But the dying is meant to be unto self, so that eternity can begin anytime. Make haste and prepare the way of the Lord. Make flat the mountains that keep you from Him, so that we can run to Him and not struggle to ascend from the valley.
The easiest way to run to Him is to completely embrace and respond to the Holy Spirit. His Mercy is there to greet you, so that your mourning may turn to dancing. This time of year, so many of us grieve for what is lost. Families that are in discord, lives that ended too soon, abuses that removed God-given dignity. When we allow the Holy Spirit to penetrate our wounds, the unity with Him overshadows death. Allow yourself that grace this Advent to be a pilgrim of hope.
